Setting Boundaries Around Food & Body Talk

Something that I have noticed is both prevalent and important, especially when you become a parent, is the necessity of setting boundaries with others, especially family and friends. Boundaries in parenthood might look like:

- Establishing routines that you would like to be followed.

- Rules around screen time. 

- Ways to discipline (i.e., NOT through shaming or spanking).

**What it also might look like is setting boundaries related to food and body talk, both in front of you and in front of your children.**

Holidays are a time when you might hear people say:

- “I am so bad for eating this, but it’s the holidays! I will be good after New Year’s.”

- “I shouldn’t eat so much Halloween candy. I am getting so fat.”

- “The diet I am on is… (and then talk incessantly about the ins and outs of said diet)”

When boundaries are established, you:

- Show love and respect for yourself.

- Are more likely to be shown respect by others.

- Are able to create stronger and more life-giving relationships.

Wow, that sounds great. So why aren’t boundaries used more?

- If boundaries were not modeled for you growing up, you may not know how.

- It may feel scary or overwhelming to set boundaries, especially having fear about how the relationship will be affected.

- You may not feel worthy of having boundaries and being treated with love and respect.

- Boundaries you may have set in the past were met with anger.

How to set boundaries around food and body:

- Stand up tall, with your shoulders back, hold your chin up, and look the person in the eyes. 

- All you need is a one sentence statement you can assert. For example: “I would appreciate it if you did not talk about food, dieting, or your body in front [of me or] my children.”

- Be a broken record. State your boundary calmly and as many times as you need to.

- If this relationship is important to you, you can also consider being gentle in how you deliver your boundary, as well as validate what the other person may be experiencing.

- If your self-respect has priority over the relationship, stick to your values (e.g., being kind) and try not to apologize for setting the boundary.

Remember:

Boundaries are not walls, keeping people out.

They are doors, allowing people in. 

You got this.